Changing My Name…

Changing My Name…

I know I have discussed it before, but I am strongly considering changing my name to chuck.  I was on Facebook last night removing some ex coworkers and guys I had dated but didn’t connect with, and Facebook informed me that my most recent ex, as in someone I had a discussed exclusive/monogamous relationship with, that ended it because they weren’t ready and it is too much, is now in a relationship again.  It’s been 2 months… Almost 3… And just last month, not even a full month. That we hung out and he apologized for not being ready still…  I don’t get it.  Am I defective? Am I not good enough? I just want it to be my turn to find someone that makes me happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I WANT them to be happy, and if they can’t be happy with me, I want them to find someone that makes them happy.  I also want me to be happy.  And while I don’t need a guy to make me happy,I am lonely.  I miss adult conversation at night and in the morning.  I miss having someone to roll over to when I have a bad dream.  I have been to the gym more times in a month than I have been kissed in 9 months…

I know that I could be in a relationship if all I wanted was a warm body, but I want more than that.  I want someone I am compatible with.  Someone with common goals and values.  I’m tired of dating people that don’t understand why I want;why I need; to go to the gym 5 times a week.  Someone who doesn’t mind to plan dates around activities instead of food all the time.  Someone who isn’t a smart ass when I tell them I lift weights.  No, I won’t turn into a man from lifting weights.  Yes,they are heavy, but that is the point… I’ve heard it all multiple times.

That being said, once I wake up enough, and my mom comes to get the kids, I’m going to the gym.  I need to burn off this negative energy and anxiety.  I would have gone last night, but didn’t have a sitter, and it was too late to call anyone.  I also managed to not go binge on the kids sugary cereal or pop tarts.  I’m about to go make scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Mostly egg whites, but I put some full egg in too.  Then I top it with mozzarella and wash it down with water and a protein shake.  It doesn’t seem like a lot, but making healthy food choices when I am upset and stressed is a big step for me.  The old me? The whole box of pop tarts would have been gone.  Just sayin….


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