A thousand words…


To go with the picture…
Ok well maybe not a thousand words, but I’m not going to count to see. The photobomber would be my boyfriend. We were wrapping up a bicep workout and while he was was doing his last set I was off to the side taking selfies and he noticed and decided to jump in. He has mastered my faces and poses since day 1. We always have a good time and we workout well together…. He lets me lead the workout and is completely cool with me being able to outlift on a few things.

The true guy stuff I don’t stand a chance, but the more fine tuned endurance stuff… He attempted the lat raise pyramid I do for my shoulders and back (15 reps at 10lbs 10 reps at 15 lbs 5 reps and 20lbs 10 reps at 15lbs and 15 reps at 10lbs only stopping long enough to switch dumbbells)…. He tried…. Hard. For me, that’s not so much about being able to lift that weight, as building up to being able to do that many continuous reps. I love the burn and the pump I get from that. Throw in a play raise drop set immediately after that and your shoulders will be annihilated.

He has invited me to his Lt.s Halloween party this month. I’m clueless on costumes… I haven’t dressed up in 13 years? He’s going as Clark Kent and suggested I go as Lois? I don’t know? I don’t even know where to start for that one. I’m excited that he invited me and wants me to meet more of his friends (he took me to a bonfire two weeks ago). He’s also going with me next weekend to a haunted house with my friends and coworkers. And he’s has met my parents but that was more coincidental. Just happened to be basically crossing paths.

I’m not used to being introduced to people’s friends. Most of my exes tried to not introduce me or kept it limited… That should have been a huge red flag I don’t know why it wasn’t at the time. It almost bothers me more (mentally) when someone wants me to meet people. It just seems out of the norm since so many before made it seem like a bad thing. When I mentioned it to C, he was like why wouldn’t I want you to be where I am and get to know my friends, it makes sense, I want him to do stuff with me and my friends too, and he wants to, it’s just that everyone before was just so against it (again, red flags).

He seems to truly be a good guy. His armory was handing out extra school supplies over the weekend and he picked up a bag for each of my kids. I need to sit down and ration that stuff out and hide the extras or it will be EVERYWHERE in my house.

Anyways I am super excited to see where this goes. I think he is absolutely amazing. We have fun and we are a lot alike… We have differences too, in good ways. Hopefully this is the start of something good.

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meal prep…


Meal Prep…

Let me start this by saying I am never. Ever. Eeeeehhhhhhhhhhver. Meal prepping with my kids home ever again. EVER. Way too much math going on and stirring and cooking to do it with my kids home.  On the bright side, it eliminates the temptation of just going and grabbing what is convienent instead of what I should be eating.  I also learned that on somethings especially sauces, I was eating way too much and on others I was getting too little.  So now I am not sure how many calories I was exactly cutting on before.  I’m starting on 1500 a day for a week and a half and will adjust from there as needed.  

I’m also watching my fat intake a lot closer.  Last time I know I was too low and I think that is where I messed up and possibly what contributed to the stress fracture in my foot.  Six days a week I will be at 1500 cal, 30 carb, 40-50 fat and 110-120 protein.  The seventh day I need to be around 700 carb.  I seriously struggle to hit my high carb day without eating junk, and a high carb day does not equal a cheat day.  I still get the same amount of calories.

I’ve been slowly tapering my carbs off over the last two weeks minus a few flat out cheats.  Like a bag of candy corn.  I love seasonal candy.  And it occurred to me when I saw it in the store that I’m going to be on week 9 or 10 around Halloween and who wants to eat stale candy corn after Halloween when I can have it fresh before. Anyways, I’ve been tapering them off though in hopes to avoid the inevitable massive migraine and grumpiness that comes with the first true week of low carbing. Let’s hope.

I’m coming down with my kids cold.  I’ve got the itchy achy throat and the congested nose and my eyes hurt and I have a minor headache.  My friend that helps with my workout plan flat out told me to stay out of the gym for a few days and rest.  The last two nights are the first nights that I have slept well in a week, and I have crashe out around 9 both nights.  The girls woke me at 4 this morning playing, but it made getting them to school easier at least.  When I’m sick I want to eat junk food.  It’s not going to help anything at all, but i want it.  Some old habits die hard.

I avoided an emotional eating situation earlier this week and was super proud of myself, because my first instinct wasn’t even to go eat.  Everything is mostly better.  There are still some hurt feelings involved, but it will probably all be fine.

I think I have a lunch date Tuesday.  I don’t know that I even really want to date, but we will see where this goes.  Other than missing someone to cuddle with and talk to, I am very happy single without having to answer to anyone about my gym schedule and meal plans.  I’m also so tired of duds, frogs, and crazies, and I know who I want, but right now it just can’t be what either of us want.  We are slowly figuring things out, and still nothing gets figured out.  If it’s meant to be it will be, if it’s not there is a right guy out there somewhere.

just wow…


Just Wow…

So much going on.  Some of which I can’t write about partially because I don’t want to jinx it.  But I am very excited for something that may be happening next weekend for many reasons.

Second… I had a date last night, it went pretty well… Turns out he’s known my mom for years.. My mom didn’t set us up we just stumbled upon the realization through conversation.  I’ll probably see him again.  I got dressed up in one of my usual outfits.  It also happens to be the outfit I take progress pictures in and wow.  Just wow.

musings


Musings…

Let me start off by saying, that I’m really not sure what direction this entry is going to take. It’s been awhile since I have had a full real entry. The last week has sucked.  I had a very long day filled with multiple dentists and oral surgeons (I have a huge dental phobia.  That poor hygienist… I was bawling before she even touched me) only to find out I don’t have a massive cavity eating it’s way into my skull and it seems I just clench my teeth while I sleep and the prescribed me a muscle relaxer at night. I go back for a follow up in two weeks and we go from there.

Between my work schedule and sitters I haven’t been to the gym but once in the last week.  I’m getting twitchy, but have been doing cardio at home until yesterday when I came down with a migraine so bad that I got to know my toilet on a very up close and personal basis.  It was still lingering this morning so I didn’t make it to the gym nor have I done cardio today.  My diet has also sucked because I haven’t felt like eating so it’s just kinda been if I feel like eating it then eat it because any calorie is better than no calories at this point.

I took down most of my dating profiles last week because I wasn’t getting interest from anyone I was remotely interested in and I haven’t been able to make time for people I am interested in.  For some reason guys don’t like it when you tell them “I can’t I have to go to the gym” .  I left date hook up just for the shiggles.  Gotta have some laughs somewhere.  If I can get a sitter, I do have a date Saturday night I think.

So I got a text the other night from someone I don’t know.  They know my number and my name and have my picture.  Not really sure how and they don’t know how either.  Conversation was kinda like this

Random person (RP) who is this?

Me: who is this you texted me.

Me: is my number in your phone or did you get it out of someone else’s and just want to know who they are talking to

RP: this is jake and your name and number are in my phone.  A picture too.

Me: oh are you jake from State Farm?

RP: uh no

No sense of humor I tell you.  I still haven’t figured out how they know me because I don’t know them.  I don’t remember the tattoos I’m the shirtless pic they sent or the pic of them in uniform.  They don’t know my ex either.  We talked for a few hours trying to figure it out and the pic they have is of me.  I took the pic on my birthday so I remember it.   I’m still wondering about it, but I’m just glad that since they have a pic of me that it means my number probably isn’t written on a bathroom stall somewhere.

Last week I sat down a rewrote and broke up my workouts a little differently for awhile.  I’m still starting out with a good strong core workout but broke it down into a leg day, a chest/tri day and a back/bi day.  Once the kids are in school I’ll have 4-5 days I can easily get to the gym instead of just 2 or 3 and I can’t wait, but for now I am happy with that.  My arm days were just to scattered and unfocused.  I did a bunch of research and added new specific exercises with the dumb bells in.  I think I am going to see a lot of progress out of the new break down and focus. Once a week I am replacing my modified dead lift with upright rows instead also.  I’m also swapping my bent over rows for upright rows once a week.  Keeping squats as an every workout thing and dowing lunges once or twice a week.  I spent a couple of hours (yes hours) Saturday, reading, talking, researching my squats.  I wasn’t happy with not being able to get my squat lower.  It was effective enough, but could have been more where it was, so with the help of friends and other resources, we have widened my stance and angled my feet slightly differently and I am able to safely get a lot lower.  Can’t wait to try it with some weight behind it. 

Anyways I leave you with pictures.

I love the definition I am getting in my calves!

 

 

how to eliminate the crazy…


How To Eliminate The Crazy…

How to eliminate the crazy BEFORE giving out your number when online dating …
1. Begin conversation
2. Continue conversation
3. Get busy with something mid conversation
4. See if they respond while you were busy.
5. If multiple messages are left and they are like hey?
Where did you go?
Did I make you mad?
Why aren’t you talking to me?
It says you are online?
You could have told me you didn’t want to talk to me any more…
What did I do wrong?
Please write me back…
I really like you
I’m a nice person
I’m not crazy
Why are you being rude
I should have known you were a bitch
All the girls on here are just playing me
I don’t understand why you are being this way.
6. They are probably crazy and you shouldn’t give them your number…

Happenings…


Happenings…

I wrote this earlier, and for whatever reason, it went poof and is lost somewhere in the great wide cloud of nowhere.  However now I have the time to break it up into two entries instead of trying to quickly cram everything into one.  Currently I am at the hospital.  My dad had to have a procedure done this morning, and the labs were messed up,so we are doing it again, and i am waiting, since I am his ride home.  I was able to go to the gym during the first one, was tempted to go while they are doing this a second time, but in the name of not wanting to over train, I’m sitting here writing this.

So I went on a few dates with the guy that sent me the flowers.m we hung out a couple of times as well. Things seemed to be going well.n we went to dollywood last Sunday, and I haven’t really heard too much since then.  Probably for the best.  Things started to get a little weird Saturday and Sunday.  Without going into too much detail, we were making out on Saturday and he bit my arm.  Like bit it hard enough to leave a bruise. Twice. After I told him not to because it hurt.  He also doesn’t seem to like to be held accountable for his actions.  Seemed to be the type that would push it past the boundary line and then say but your outfit was so hot I couldn’t help it.

So we go to dollywood, everything seems to be going ok, first few rides have next to no line and we rush right through them.  We get to the new roller coaster and it has a 30-45 minute wait, no biggie, that’s normal for an amusement park.  Well 15ish minutes into waiting he starts. 

“I’m hungry and I get grumpy when I’m hungry”

“Oh.. Well we will get food when we get off this ride.”

Random small talk for 2-3 minutes

“Ya know… I’m hungry and I get grumpy when I’m hungry”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t bring my backpack of snacks like I do with the kids but we will get food when we get off the ride.”

More small talk for a few more minutes.

“I’m hungry.. I get grumpy when I’m hungry”

“Yeah.. We are almost to the ride we can eat soon.”

“I’m…”

“I know.  You are hungry and you get grumpy.  We will eat as soon as we get out of line”

Like really? My 5 year old whines less.  Plus the whole time he tried to flirt by kicking at my feet or my butt. I had to remind him that I have an injured foot.  Once he “playfully” pushed on my back near my kidney, and I flat out told him if he knocked loose a kidney stone he would be taking me to the hospital and sitting with me.

The rest of the day at the park went well. On the ride home, it started again.

“I’m tired and when I’m tired I get grumpy.  Then I say things and that’s why my relationships never work out”

“Oh I’m sorry.. What do you say that they don’t like?”

“I don’t know just stuff”

Sit in silence for a few miles…

“I’m tired and when I’m tired I get grumpy and then I always say something and the person I’m with gets upset”

“Oh.. Well what do you say”

“I don’t know they just don’t like it”

Maybe 10 minutes later..

“I’m tired and I’m grumpy and then I say things that upset people”

“Oh well maybe you should just learn to not say those things then and focus on keeping your mouth shut.”

I’m pretty certain I pissed him off, but really? RRRREEEEAAAALLLLY? 

I haven’t really heard from him since then.  I haven’t exactly sought him out either.  Just little things didn’t sit well with me.  There was a pair of shorts at the amusement park and I made a comment about having a similar pair, and he was like well if you wear them around me I can’t be held responsible for what happens. 

Or when we were watching a movie, he told me he needed to leave at a certain time and then when that time came he was like I just need to close my eyes for 5 minutes, and I was like no, you aren’t sleeping here, wake up. When he first came over he wanted to keep kissing and I told him no because then later when you want to take it farther and I tell you no, you are going to get all pissy.  More than once he tried to push the boundaries after I told him no.  I can’t stand that crap. So really it’s no water off my back if I don’t hear from him again. I’m moving on.  I don’t need that type of relationship in my life.

Onto the next one.  Someday I will write about the man that has my heart that I can’t have for various reasons.  Today isn’t that day though.

Changing My Name…


Changing My Name…

I know I have discussed it before, but I am strongly considering changing my name to chuck.  I was on Facebook last night removing some ex coworkers and guys I had dated but didn’t connect with, and Facebook informed me that my most recent ex, as in someone I had a discussed exclusive/monogamous relationship with, that ended it because they weren’t ready and it is too much, is now in a relationship again.  It’s been 2 months… Almost 3… And just last month, not even a full month. That we hung out and he apologized for not being ready still…  I don’t get it.  Am I defective? Am I not good enough? I just want it to be my turn to find someone that makes me happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I WANT them to be happy, and if they can’t be happy with me, I want them to find someone that makes them happy.  I also want me to be happy.  And while I don’t need a guy to make me happy,I am lonely.  I miss adult conversation at night and in the morning.  I miss having someone to roll over to when I have a bad dream.  I have been to the gym more times in a month than I have been kissed in 9 months…

I know that I could be in a relationship if all I wanted was a warm body, but I want more than that.  I want someone I am compatible with.  Someone with common goals and values.  I’m tired of dating people that don’t understand why I want;why I need; to go to the gym 5 times a week.  Someone who doesn’t mind to plan dates around activities instead of food all the time.  Someone who isn’t a smart ass when I tell them I lift weights.  No, I won’t turn into a man from lifting weights.  Yes,they are heavy, but that is the point… I’ve heard it all multiple times.

That being said, once I wake up enough, and my mom comes to get the kids, I’m going to the gym.  I need to burn off this negative energy and anxiety.  I would have gone last night, but didn’t have a sitter, and it was too late to call anyone.  I also managed to not go binge on the kids sugary cereal or pop tarts.  I’m about to go make scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Mostly egg whites, but I put some full egg in too.  Then I top it with mozzarella and wash it down with water and a protein shake.  It doesn’t seem like a lot, but making healthy food choices when I am upset and stressed is a big step for me.  The old me? The whole box of pop tarts would have been gone.  Just sayin….

Thinking and Reflecting


Thinking And Reflecting…

Somehow I always end up falling for the guys that aren’t ready for a relationship.  The ones that are fresh out of something long term, and past the rebound, but not ready for anything serious.  The ones that have personal struggles to work through.  The ones who feel like they aren’t capable of loving due to things that they have done in the past.  Then somehow, after we break up they find someone… Someone they can love, someone that can be there person, and I’m just over here like oh hey… Just call me chuck. 

I try to tell myself that they are my stepping stones to mr. Right… But really it just feels like I’m their stepping stone while I’m remaining stagnant.  I know that I have grown so much since I have started dating, but I’m getting impatient.  I want so badly to have someone to come home to, someone to come home to me.  Someone to share the good and the bad with.  Someone to lean on when things get hard.  Yet I seem to find the guys that just can’t handle it, or just don’t care.  I know I deserve someone that cares, so I just ship mr. Wrong along to his soon to be mrs. Right, and sit over here in my corner like hey I’m chuck…