Without Saying Too Much…
I am still leery of jinxing myself, but if nothing changes, one of my besties will be in town soon, and though they are only in town for a few hours we are hitting the gym. So excited to hit the gym with them. They know their stuff and are currently training for their first bodybuilding comp. So cross your fingers nothing crazy happens and they make it here.
I need to go shopping. My sexy tight butt hugging jeans are beyond loose.
Something Happier…
For the first time in 11 years I wore a true two piece bikini to the pool. I don’t know why, but it have always felt more comfortable in a string bikini than a more traditional one with thick straps. Also at the beginning of July I took some pics in the mirror of my back to see if I could make some progress and I am very pleased with the month of progress, especially since I was eating near maintenance calories and higher carbs.
It’s really going to boil down to diet and cardio to tone up that middle back, but it is getting there.
Getting better shape I’m the back too
I’m in a funk. A no good, awful, terrible, very bad mood. I don’t know what’s up with me.. I’m pretty sure a good part of it is stress. Some of it is the fun adjustment to cutting my carbs. I know it will pass. Part of it is I am just flat out lonely. I need a hug. I need physical affection. I need something. I need a cheerleader. Someone with similar goals and aspirations. I need someone to give me hope that I won’t be a single mom forever. Someone to take the burden of all the bills falling solely on my shoulders off of me. I haven’t received but $30 from my kids father in 5 years. Every need and want falls solely on me. It’s wearing me beyond thin mentally at this point. I just don’t know…
Just Wow…
So much going on. Some of which I can’t write about partially because I don’t want to jinx it. But I am very excited for something that may be happening next weekend for many reasons.
Second… I had a date last night, it went pretty well… Turns out he’s known my mom for years.. My mom didn’t set us up we just stumbled upon the realization through conversation. I’ll probably see him again. I got dressed up in one of my usual outfits. It also happens to be the outfit I take progress pictures in and wow. Just wow.
Baby Muscles…
Today I discovered I have new muscles showing! Eek! So excited and proud!
My triceps and shoulders are starting to pop out! I can’t wait for my next hard push in August!
When Do I Go Back To Work Again…
It’s been one of those days. The type of day where by bedtime you are letting your kids fight to the death or at least until blood is drawn. The type of day where no one listens and no matter what you do, you can’t out yell the kids. The type of day where you sit in your room and eat half a box of cookies even though you no you shouldn’t. Then your oldest looks at you and says “mom you said those have to last, I’m really worried about your diet.”
Now let me finish that thought by saying I have never once told my kids I’m in a diet. That word has come from my mother’s mouth. I don’t look at the changes I have made as a diet, because if don’t intend to go back to the way I was. Despite the fact I ate a whole bunch of cookies today. It’s okay to sit down and eat a whole box of cookies occasionally. It’s not ok to sit down and eat a box of cookies every week or even every other week. I would worry if I didn’t sit down and eat a half of a box of cookies today to be honest. One bad day didn’t make me fat, one bad day won’t make me fat, just like eating right and exercising one day won’t make me healthy. That’s what I want my kids to learn. I don’t want them to know the word diet, I want them to be able to look at the big picture and say you know I’ve eaten the last 60 meals healthy and prepared at home it’s ok to go out to a restaurant for dinner, or to know that because they stay healthy, work out and eat healthy that it’s ok to have a second piece of birthday cake on your birthday, that it’s when you eat a whole cake every week and sit down and play games and don’t get up and move that it becomes a problem.
I was raised with a large part of my teenage meals being picked up from Arby’s or McDonalds… I’m talking I had fast food 5 days a week out of convienence. THAT is what I don’t want them to think is ok. My mom to this day still doesn’t see a problem with it. My family would easily go through 2 12 packs of soda a day between 4 of us. My mom will even now let my kids drink a 2 liter of soda when she watches them (and she has the frequently so it’s more than just a treat). When I’m home with them they know they can have water or juice and milk with a meal. I only buy so much milk and juice a week and when it’s gone you can have water. I know some people think that it cruel, but since when is drinking water bad for you? Realistically, most people don’t need more than a serving of juice a day, and if you are eating healthy, it’s not necessary to drink a gallon of milk each day either.
Me, personally, I would rather eat my calories than drink them. I would take a piece of fruit over a glass of juice 9 out of 10 meals. I love having cranberry grape juice with pasta, especially alfredo. It has been forever since I have had alfredo. It’s probably my favorite meal ever. It’s one meal that I am not a fan of portion control with and would sit down and eat the whole pot. Honestly if I had thought today out I would have rather sat down and ate a whole pot of Alfredo than half a pack of cookies. I’m not sure there would have been too much difference in the carbs… Definitely would have picked up some extra proteins, maybe in a few weeks I will remember this. Part of learning to live healthy is learning to make choices.
Case of the Blahs…
We are at that point in summer where it rains all the time. The sun hasn’t come out enough in days to be able to get outside and do anything. Which means the kids are absolutely while which leads to this.
That my friends would be the living room tv… Well was the living room tv. I had been on the kids case all morning long to stop throwing things in the house. Of course no one listened until my youngest killed the tv throwing a bottle of lotion at my oldest. It has been determined already that they all 3 will be working off the cost of a new tv until the end of time. Fortunately, my dad came to the rescue and replaced it because I honestly don’t have the kind of money laying around. I will have to pay him back, but for now he took care of it.
I went to the gym yesterday and absolutely killed a back and bicep work out. I’m still feeling it today and was honestly wondering if I had killed myself when I left the gym yesterday. Back and bicep is my least favorite day, probably because it is my weakest area. I enjoy it, don’t get me wrong, but I’d much rather do leg day any day over back and bicep. I was hoping to get in a chest and tricep work out today, but I’m thinking that I’m not going to be able to get to the gym due to lack of child care. The kids go back to school in about 3 weeks and I am making a hard 12 week push after that. I am hoping to lose 20-30lbs over the next 15 weeks. It’s going to be tricky, I’m trying to tone up and lose fat at the same time, so some weeks I show gains (swelling and water) and then it’s like I have 5lbs just disappear over night. I’m less concerned with the scale and more how I look and feel. I’m watching my measurements closely too, because over the last few weeks I haven’t lost any weight but my waist has come in almost 2 inches. The scale is honestly such an evil tool. There’s good and bad to it but it doesn’t really reveal the truth.
The angles are a smidge off in the pics, but I can see some progress since June 12(left on the first pic) and yesterday (right) and then the top on the second was early July and bottom which was yesterday as well… This month I have eaten 30g more carbs per day as well as 300 additional calories from when I was making a hard push, so the fact that there is any difference is great because I have just been focusing on maintaining this month.
9 years…
So when I graduated high school in 2003, I weighed 130lbs I was basically skinny fat. When I was on swim team and taking dance, I wasn’t muscular but I was more healthy even though my weight was exactly the same. After high school, I spent the summer working at a camp, i toned up and maybe weighed in at 5lbs less than when I graduated. Then I went to beauty school and was in a not quite healthy relationship. During beauty school, I probably gained 35-40lbs. We wore scrubs every day and it was easy to not notice how much weight I had gained.. That is until I decided to get married, and realized that I needed to fit into a wedding dress and I was absolutely not going to buy a size 18 dress. We ordered my dress in either a 14 or a 16, I honestly don’t remember now, but I was going to have to lose weight drastically for it to fit, and I did, but not in a healthy way. I greatly restricted my diet and took hydroxycut. The GOOD stuff. Not the thing you buy on shelves now, and when I say good, I don’t mean healthy, I mean the type that actually worked but wasn’t good for you at all, especially if you weren’t eating and drinking correctly. I ended up fitting into the dress and got down to 4lbs heavier than I am now.
I look at the pictures now and think how can I be only 4lbs lighter than then, but so much smaller. The answer isn’t hard, it’s because this time, I have eaten well, and I have exercised. Not just cardio, but I bust my tail doing weights as well. I drink close to a gallon a water a day, and eat 6ish times a day. Sometimes I really wish that I had the knowledge then that I have now. Maybe I never would have gotten to where I was, or maybe I would have. Who knows, but the pics further motivate me to continue doing things the right way.
Me in high school.
9 years ago right before my wedding
Recent pictures
Now don’t get me wrong I still have a long way to go, but this me is going to be healthier and happier than the me who thought she was losing weight the right way 9 years ago.
Sad Day Made Better…
So I turned the giant shirt into a new gym shirt! Tweeted it to mr Ziggler and got an atta girl so I’m pretty happy LOL. Here’s the finished product.
Sad… Sad… Sad day…
It was bound to happen. I knew it was coming. I just didn’t expect it to be today. I got up, ate breakfast, told the kids to get ready to go to the store. Put on some sweat pants, a bra, pulled my favorite size medium dolph Ziggler shirt out which was already way too big around the middle, and it’s no longer tight on my boobs. I’m honestly surprised it waited this long to happen. I mean c’mon boobs are made of fatty tissue when you lose weight they are bound to come down some as well.
I’ve been tracking my measurements for the last month closely and on the bright side, I’m losing weight proportionately. Well not quite, I’ve lost the most inches from my waist but I’m not going to complain about that. I knew I had lost a bit from the chest area (2inches off the bra band 1 inch from the cup) but for whatever reason I wasn’t expecting to put on a shirt and it be too loose all over. Honestly they don’t look smaller, they look bigger, but yeah. There is just something about having a top that fits perfectly across your chest. I’m going to have to retire all my mediums to sleep and gym shirts soon. I already started buying all my wwe shirts as smalls, I’m definitely going to have to rebuild my stash of t shirts.
I mean for real this shirt is swallowing me whole now. Six months ago it was completely skin tight everywhere, and now when I stand up, I could wear it as a super short dress. Oh and the front says it’s not showing off and the back says if you back it up. I’m probably going to cut up the sides in some cute way because it will be a great gym shirt!
Single Mom Dating 